The Three-Headed Squirrel Strikes Again

We recently made a trip home (Lancaster County, PA) to spend Big Bro's big 1-3 with Grammy. He took in a decent haul, garnering more cash than I get on my b-days, plus a guitar, amp, and tuner and a shiny new MP3 player.

Must plug the Sansa he got. It's 4 gig and plays music, FM radio, photos, and video, plus there's a voice recorder on it. All for the low, low price of $120 at Circuit City. We love it!

Anywhooo... while we were in PA, hubby and Little Bro and I went to a housewarming party for an old friend. I was nervous, since it would be the first time I'd see some of my high school friends in years, and none of them had ever met Aengus. Noah wisely chose to go to the movies with Grammy and Papa. He got to see Die Hard, the rat bastard. I've lost weight since I saw many of them (not enough, but still...), I've been working out, I've gotten to a place of peace with my own life, yada yada yada. Thought it would be fun.

And yet...

I found myself feeling exactly the same as when I lived there: the oddball, socially inept, highly uncool in everyone's eyes. And these were my "friends." The hostess, Melissa, will always be a good friend, and while she and I don't agree on many things, we love each other and will always have a good relationship. Aside from her, however, everyone gave me that look.

Like I'm a three-headed squirrel.

Dammit, I'm 36 years old! Why did they make me feel 14 again? I'm not even sure I can put my finger on the problem. I'm a fun-loving girl, and we chatted about all kinds of things. But I was clearly the oddball. Again. I got the feeling people were rushing to get out of their conversations with me, never to return. I just got a we-don't-like-you-but-we-tolerate-you-for-Melissa's-sake vibe. I left there feeling like a total loser.

But I am what I am, right? I mean, I know what my faults are, and I'm working on them. Really, I am! But my freak flag waves proudly -- I am a three-headed squirrel, dammit, and I've no interest in changing so my old friends will accept me. It's obvious to me now that the reason I never really felt like one of them is because I wasn't, and apparently I never will be. I am what I am, and I always will be.

So while nothing specific happened at this party, I did manage to realize that I hate that whole place, and *cough-gasp-sputter* Virginia is where I belong.

Three-headed squirrels are welcome here.